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Identity Crisis:
When someone can't decide how to define themselves
~UrbanDictionary.com
In life, we wear so many "hats". Ladies perform as wives, mothers, friends, employees, cousins...the list goes on and on. I am sure you can add a few titles to the list.
Must one lose their identity in marriage?
After my friend posed this question, I began to reflect.
Has "I do" stolen your ID?
#IdentityTheft
When someone can't decide how to define themselves
~UrbanDictionary.com
In life, we wear so many "hats". Ladies perform as wives, mothers, friends, employees, cousins...the list goes on and on. I am sure you can add a few titles to the list.
Must one lose their identity in marriage?
After my friend posed this question, I began to reflect.
I saw a blog entitled "I Didn't Marry My Best Friend", by Natasha LaMarr, CEO of The Wives Inc. It reminded me of the evolution of my marriage. While Kenny and I are BFFs now, we weren't always. We've had innumerable obstacles to overcome during the last twelve years.
One of those obstacles was my identity. My identity included the name Gray (maiden name), my son and mom, an attitude of independence, friends, traveling, selfishness, pride, and work [not in that order]. When we became one, it was extremely hard to transition into "Mrs. Reedy". It seemed down right impossible.
In the beginning, I felt like I was losing pieces of myself...my identity. My biggest pet peeve was being called "Kenny's wife". To me, it says that I lack identity or my identity was in my husband. I beg to differ...I am sure this caused the most strife in our relationship.
At some point, I had to accept who I was, where I was going, and who I wanted to be. I found that once I accepted where I was, I could begin to make changes within myself. I wanted to find the path that would end my identity crisis. Once I determined my goals, accepted my purpose, and accepted my role as a wife - I was able to accept that people and relationships evolve.
It occurred to me that I was operating with a wounded spirit. I got my ideals and visions of marriage from my parents' busted marriage of 21 years and the world. Becoming submissive was not in my vocabulary, nor on my list of things to do.
I decided that I could be "Kenny's wife", as long as I knew who I was. I recognized that I do not have to shelf my dreams to support Kenny's. I can do both, as long as we have a plan of attack and are in agreement. Even though we are called as a couple, we are also called individually. This is the reason we have separate goals, talents, and gifts. I also recognized our strengths and weaknesses. This led to the revelation that we didn't place the same value on certain things, for example education. I like school; I was determined to get my Bachelor's degree. I began pursing my Master's degree. Kenny, on the other hand, has no desire to obtain a degree anytime soon, but loves his role as my biggest supporter. He pushes me in all things, big or small. Likewise, I am supporting his entrepreneurial ventures. We're super busy, but maintaining the balancing act.
One of those obstacles was my identity. My identity included the name Gray (maiden name), my son and mom, an attitude of independence, friends, traveling, selfishness, pride, and work [not in that order]. When we became one, it was extremely hard to transition into "Mrs. Reedy". It seemed down right impossible.
In the beginning, I felt like I was losing pieces of myself...my identity. My biggest pet peeve was being called "Kenny's wife". To me, it says that I lack identity or my identity was in my husband. I beg to differ...I am sure this caused the most strife in our relationship.
At some point, I had to accept who I was, where I was going, and who I wanted to be. I found that once I accepted where I was, I could begin to make changes within myself. I wanted to find the path that would end my identity crisis. Once I determined my goals, accepted my purpose, and accepted my role as a wife - I was able to accept that people and relationships evolve.
It occurred to me that I was operating with a wounded spirit. I got my ideals and visions of marriage from my parents' busted marriage of 21 years and the world. Becoming submissive was not in my vocabulary, nor on my list of things to do.
I decided that I could be "Kenny's wife", as long as I knew who I was. I recognized that I do not have to shelf my dreams to support Kenny's. I can do both, as long as we have a plan of attack and are in agreement. Even though we are called as a couple, we are also called individually. This is the reason we have separate goals, talents, and gifts. I also recognized our strengths and weaknesses. This led to the revelation that we didn't place the same value on certain things, for example education. I like school; I was determined to get my Bachelor's degree. I began pursing my Master's degree. Kenny, on the other hand, has no desire to obtain a degree anytime soon, but loves his role as my biggest supporter. He pushes me in all things, big or small. Likewise, I am supporting his entrepreneurial ventures. We're super busy, but maintaining the balancing act.
My theory has been that you must have a friendship to have a successful marriage. We learned how to be friends, during our separation...like I said, we had obstacles. Now, we are homie-lover friends, (thanks R. Kelly) LOL.
I leave you with this thought:
Has "I do" stolen your ID?
#IdentityTheft
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