Think This Through Thursday

I got this today from my best friend Jamar, whom I rarely see or speak to anymore (distance). 

We randomly check in and send encouraging words. he sent me this today...

On time message!

This gave me great pause, confirmation, and closure all at once. 

Hubby repeatedly tells me to focus on the purpose not the people. 

In that one moment, I fed my feelings, thus feeding the wrong one - I focused on the people rather than the purpose...IT HAPPENS. 

I don't take it lightly, my mistakes that is. 

Conviction and consequences have kicked my butt, but I am better and wiser from it.

A man's belly shall be satisfied with the fruit of his mouth; and with the increase of his lips shall he be filled. Death and life are in the power of the tongue; and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof.

~Proverbs 18:20-21

#FoodForThought

Take a Little Time Tuesday

"People are rushing all of the time through time."

~ John O'Donohue

I love this list. 

What I'm not gonna do is..

1. Wake up early - just can't do it.

2. Drink wine - DELIVERED.

3. Help spiders escape - they bite & scare me, so I crush them.

I am going to ignore some stuff and stop taking myself so seriously.

I am going to take more "timeouts" for myself.

I need 48 hours of R & R. Don't you?

Rest. Relaxation. Write. Release.

P.S. I can't wait to get home and snuggle with my homie lover friend. 

#SlowDown

Thought of the Day

Have a Miraculous Monday!

#NowOrNever

5 Minute Freehand

 



Lesson 2, in the Words That Move Writing Workshop, with GG Renee, is a two part exercise.
First, we are to just write freely, whatever comes to mind...for five minutes. Then, we have to read the writing and label our thoughts.

Here are my random thoughts:

Been toying with this "wounded spirit" poem; having a tough time completing. I cannot seem to connect the dots, words aren't flowing. What makes a wounded spirit?

Heartache, hurts, tragedy, lies, pain, and living the struggle. The struggle is real...

What heals a wounded spirit?

Moving from bitterness and un-forgiveness. Seeking a higher power, aligning with the universe. Prayer and meditation. Losing yourself in Christ helps heal the heart. It can be confusing at times; it can also be misleading. On average people think surrendering to God frees them of ALL their troubles - quite the contrary. DAYUM DEVIL!!!

Transitioning from the life of a sinner into a saint is no easy feat. It requires patience, studying, prayers, listening, and letting go of tradition, along with most of the ideals you learned in the 'hood...

it isn't easy to give up on everything and everyone you hold dear; can't let go of that history.

 

***My 5 minutes ended here, but I continued to let it flow***

 

Oddly enough, I found that I had accepted where I was and where I was going. Once I accepted my purpose, I could accept that relationships evolve and it isn't personal. Letting go doesn't mean that I love you any less; I just value me, my journey, and my goals a little bit more. No more comparisons. No more waiting. No more dragging you along. No more begging you to stay or understand or change. My next level awaits. With you or without you, I have to press on. I will always love you and never forget you but our paths come to the fork in the road.

 

Here is my label:

In every relationship, change will come. I was afraid to change, afraid to let go of people, dreams, ideals. I am still somewhat apprehensive, but my reasons are different. I have let go and/or loss many people, many things; all were once a major part of my life. I no longer need approval. Though I screw up, I am more concerned with pleasing God than people - this causes me much toil (I obsess & get in the way). Being with God is so much better than being without Him, but we are misled by the romanticizing of what a relationship with Him is about. 

 

#AnotherTransformationInProgress

 

 

 

Surrendering...

"Prayer is you speaking to God. Meditation is allowing the spirit to speak to you."

~Deepak Chopra

 

 

 

 

Right, wrong, or indifferent, all I have at this very moment, is meditation.

 

My soul needs healing, my body needs rest, my mind needs silence.

 

 

Rest. Relax. Release. 

 

 

#DeepBreathes

Face Everything And Recover...

 

 

 

 

While scrolling through Instagram this morning, this hit me like a bag of nickels:

 



 

 

  

 

Everyday is a struggle.

We remember the painful lessons of our errors, carrying the fear of repeating them with us daily.

 

I remember the day I started lying about my feelings...

I didn't plan to lie, it just came out. I have felt trapped by that lie ever since.

It left a void, an emptiness, a scab...

 

The wound is deep.

No energy to climb or leap...

Fear arrests me; life hijacked -

Lights are gone. It's pitch black.

How do I get out?

I'm losing this bout.

Fear says, "no more fight?"

but in seeps a beam of light!

Deuces fear, I've had enough!

Let me live, free of your cuffs.

Started picking up the pieces,

Lord God, be my adhesive!

 

...from a scab to a scar, an imperfection, a reminder.

 

Hurt. Heed. Heal.   

 

 

#Free2Flee

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 



Identity Crisis

      Identity Crisis:
 When someone can't decide how to define themselves
      ~UrbanDictionary.com

In life, we wear so many "hats". Ladies perform as wives, mothers, friends, employees, cousins...the list goes on and on. I am sure you can add a few titles to the list.

Must one lose their identity in marriage?
After my friend posed this question, I began to reflect.

I saw a blog entitled "I Didn't Marry My Best Friend", by Natasha LaMarr, CEO of The Wives Inc. It reminded me of the evolution of my marriage. While Kenny and I are BFFs now, we weren't always. We've had innumerable obstacles to overcome during the last twelve years.

One of those obstacles was my identity. My identity included the name Gray (maiden name), my son and mom, an attitude of independence, friends, traveling, selfishness, pride, and work [not in that order]. When we became one, it was extremely hard to transition into "Mrs. Reedy". It seemed down right impossible.

In the beginning, I felt like I was losing pieces of myself...my identity. My biggest pet peeve was being called "Kenny's wife". To me, it says that I lack identity or my identity was in my husband. I beg to differ...I am sure this caused the most strife in our relationship.

At some point, I had to accept who I was, where I was going, and who I wanted to be. I found that once I accepted where I was, I could begin to make changes within myself. I wanted to find the path that would end my identity crisis. Once I determined my goals, accepted my purpose, and accepted my role as a wife - I was able to accept that people and relationships evolve.

It occurred to me that I was operating with a wounded spirit. I got my ideals and visions of marriage from my parents' busted marriage of 21 years and the world. Becoming submissive was not in my vocabulary, nor on my list of things to do.

I decided that I could be "Kenny's wife", as long as I knew who I was. I recognized that I do not have to shelf my dreams to support Kenny's. I can do both, as long as we have a plan of attack and are in agreement. Even though we are called as a couple, we are also called individually. This is the reason we have separate goals, talents, and gifts. I also recognized our strengths and weaknesses. This led to the revelation that we didn't place the same value on certain things, for example education. I like school; I was determined to get my Bachelor's degree. I began pursing my Master's degree. Kenny, on the other hand, has no desire to obtain a degree anytime soon, but loves his role as my biggest supporter. He pushes me in all things, big or small. Likewise, I am supporting his entrepreneurial ventures. We're super busy, but maintaining the balancing act. 

My theory has been that you must have a friendship to have a successful marriage. We learned how to be friends, during our separation...like I said, we had obstacles. Now, we are homie-lover friends, (thanks R. Kelly) LOL.

I leave you with this thought:

Has "I do" stolen your ID?


#IdentityTheft

Tuesday Testimony

"Sometimes the person you think can help you the least, will actually help you the most."

~The Universe

I learned both of these lessons yesterday. 

Feelings will get you every time, no matter the intentions.

Preconceived notions combined with emotions hinder communication.

Learn to accept when you're wrong, own it, admit it, apologize, move on.

Hear no evil...

See no evil...

Speak no evil...

 Fudge it up. Face it. Forgive. Forget. 

#LearningLessons

Thursday Thoughts...

Question of the Day:

Are you a good listener?

"God repeatedly calls to His children, but the condition of each determines the result."

~Charles Stanley

Have you ever thought about how listening affects your condition? Sure, you have. 

How many times have you asked your spouse and/or children if they're listening?

I have some "deaf" moments. Those moments when I interfere with His plans. 

Then comes withdrawal and repentance... 

I try to remember that obedience is better than sacrifice. 

Sacrificing is easy, while being obedient is the complete opposite. 

Many more blessings were bestowed upon me in the obedient moments. 

I became a better {natural} listener by listening with my heart. 

I then ask questions to make sure I understand.

Now, I am working towards drowning out my emotions so I can hear God clearly...

 ALL OF THE TIME.

Pray. Purge. Pursue. 

#CorrectOrCorruptCondition

 

What a Week

Greetings good people. 

I have had the toughest time writing this week.

It has been a week of trials. 

At this point, I am unsure of how many triumphs I have been awarded.

I am sure that victory will be mine in the end!

Lord knows I am not here yet...

The offenses have flown this week.

I keep reminding myself to respond not react.

Sometimes even responding isn't worth it. I just learn to see the angle and the shade.

I made it to my place of refuge regarding the important things. 

I fell on my tear stained face and prayed.

 I prayed for my boys, covered hubby & home, and sought forgiveness. 

I let some things and some people go.

I learned the power of the tongue. 

My spirit is wide open; birthing more power from my pain.

Praying. Purging. Pursuing. 

#PainVersusPower